The Fannypackable Offense

There’s a new addition to our Longevity culture: it’s what we call “the fannypackable offense.”  Our inspiration: Nick Kniefel.

It all started one day when we received a group text from Brett at Mission Gorge with a picture of Nick leaning against his car trying to jimmy the door open because he’d locked his keys in his car AGAIN. Not only has he locked his keys in his car numerous times, but he’s also spent an hour longer at work on a Friday night looking for his keys that had fallen into a trash can. I replied with a text (completely joking keep this in mind) that we should buy Nick a fanny pack so he has a place to keep his keys. A couple days later Mike approached me with what seemed like a very serious task, “Renee,” he paused, “I need you to go on,” he paused again, “and find a black leather fanny pack to give to Nick. It will be called the Nick Kniefel Award.” And so, the fannypackable offense was born.

There’s been numerous offenders:

Brett: while watering his yard, he pulled the hose to try and get the kink out and yanked it so hard that it broke the water main and water went everywhere. Brett’s offense was so fannypackable that it went to the state level, and the Blooms had to call the water department to resolve the issue; Brett was so preoccupied with the geyser in his backyard that he missed a doctor’s appointment he was supposed to attend with a patient.

Chris: he continues to call the Vitamix the Vegemite. Let’s just clarify the difference in case you don’t know what either of these are: 









Mike: he was supposed to sign Chris, Navid, and Nick up for the Carlsbad Triathlon where they would compete in the race as a team. After being asked at least 5x whether or not he’d done it, he said he had. So Chris, Navid, and Nick showed up the day of the race ready to compete, only to find out Mike never signed them up.

Another time, an incorrect chart was pulled for a patient, it was the correct last name but different first name. 7:15 am, Mike grabs the chart, looks at the name and then the patient, and proceeds to call him by the incorrect first name when clearly he knew who the patient was.

Navid: he had a patient come in to say hi who had been discharged, and he was so excited to see her that he got up, threw his arms in the air, and yelled the incorrect name (to his credit, he had the first letter right, but still fannypackable).

Nick: you know his first few offenses, but just in case it wasn’t clear that he’s the fanny pack’s rightful owner, he locked his keys in his car again this week.

Me: to be honest, I’ve almost lost track of how many times I’ve been awarded the fanny pack. Here’s some examples: locking myself out of my apartment (see blog), not knowing what subsequently means, getting a speeding ticket on the way to work, etc., etc.

All joking aside, being awarded the fanny pack might seem like wearing the dunce cap

but to me, it signifies a willingness to laugh at yourself and to have a light heart. We all make mistakes, we’re all foolish from time to time, so why not be able to share your story and make others laugh? So be sure when you’re in the clinic and you see someone wearing the black leather fanny pack, ask them why they’re wearing it. All I have to say is Christine, David, Jackie, Jeff, Olivia, and Sandra, you’re next…


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